Couples Who Focus On These 5 Psychologist-Approved Habits Rarely Ever Drift Apart
Simple habits that can help couples stay deeply connected for the long haul.
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva Relationships test our trust, patience, and energy. I immediately think of my three-year-old daughter sitting down at dinner, saying "No! Yuck!" to the food I prepared for her. My level of patience and how I respond to her are usually determined by how tired I am or what kind of day I've had.
Children are not afraid to express how they feel, move on quickly from something, and still love unconditionally. Instead of focusing on what you cannot control, it's much more empowering to focus on what you can control.
A 2006 study showed that the more one partner tries to control through expectations, the lower the relationship quality. So, the more I let go of my expectations, the more things tend to work out for the better.
Couples who focus on these psychologist-approved habits rarely ever drift apart:
1. Accept that perfection isn't real
No relationship is perfect. In imperfection, there is room for relationships to evolve into something better.
"When you’re attached to perfection, it’s almost impossible to finish anything because it will never be perfect," explains psychologist Judith Tutin. "Making decisions is fraught with difficulties because you never know whether your choice is the 'right' one."
2. Breathe out negative emotions
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When you are feeling angry, upset, or resentful, practice this simple breathing technique. Breathe in slowly through your nose and breathe out gently through your mouth. Breathing out through the mouth calms the mind, so intense emotions resolve faster.
Psychologist Dr. Alicia H. Clark advised, "Taking control of your breath is a powerful way to rebalance your emotional equilibrium, something we all will need increasingly. When so much seems so out of control, it can be empowering to know you can control your breathing, and thus your anxiety, to a large degree."
3. Acknowledge positive things in your relationships and build on them
This gives us a greater sense of appreciation for what we have. A nice way to do this is to thank your partner for something they did, e.g., making dinner on a night when you had to work late.
"The key here is to make small gestures regularly that show you're paying attention," recommended Terri Orbuch, Ph.D. "Do and say simple things often to make your partner feel noticed and cared for. When you do, you’ll notice a meaningful improvement in your relationship. And, the best part of that magic word and concept — gratitude — is that if you take the time to say it and show it to your partner, you'll receive gratitude in kind."
4. Open yourself to the possibility of change
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Be honest with yourself about how you stop the relationship from moving forward. For example, maybe you feel like you have to have the last word in arguments. Ask yourself why you do this. Why is it important for you to have the last word?
Keep asking yourself this question until you get to the bottom of it. It may be that you need to be in control of your life, or you feel people cannot be trusted. The sooner you can be open about why you do certain things, the sooner you let these old beliefs go so they no longer define you or your relationship.
Denise Wade, Ph.D. emphasized, "Allow yourself to cry, release anger, swear, hate, feel the pain, or whatever you need to do to release these painful memories. Go through the stages of anger, denial, sadness, and depression. This is grieving. You must grieve to release the pain. Then, when you’re ready, attach a new pleasurable thought to these sensory reminders."
5. Focus on how you want to see yourself in a relationship and your life
Take small steps to keep moving in that direction. For example, maybe you decide to say thank you more often for the little things that your partner does.
The only thing you can control is how you respond to a situation or another person. The more you try to change someone, the more they'll get defensive and close off. A 2011 study of improving intimate relationships suggested that "targeting the partner may do more harm than good, regardless of whether the partner produces change." The more you choose to take responsibility for your part of the relationship equation, the more you allow space for your partner to reflect on their behavior.
These five simple techniques, along with letting go of the expectation that the other person needs to change, pave the way for a much stronger, healthier, and loving relationship.
Suzi Petrozzi is a Wellness Psychologist and Women's Empowerment Coach. She empowers smart professional women to get clear on what they want, take charge of their lives, and make it happen!
